Wednesday, April 25, 2012

emotional disorder?


You can ignore this post since I write this while having emotional breakdown
so, it might be serabut
but I just wanna share something that I've found useful for me

Currently I think I've lost interest in engineering
ha ha ha..shame on me
after almost 3 years suddenly it hit me this semester
and it is disaster
I've no passion at all to go to class, taking exams, quizzes, doing assignments and all other things student should do..
but then, I've quite enjoying the skill i'm taking which is sewing
it is like a thing that can ease the burden that i've felt for the whole week of engineering thinggy..
so, I was wondering how can I build the passion back since i still need to graduate etc..duh
and I found this article and I'm going to try it
so, in case you people have the same problem, I wish it will help :)

How to survive creative burnout

By Scott Berkun, June 2004
The longer you work at creating things, whether it’s software, websites, essays or paintings, the greater the odds you’ll hit a day where you don’t feel like doing it anymore. Up until then, you may have heard others describe burnout, but you just shrugged it off as superstition, or perhaps believed yourself immune. But the day it hits you, the world seems suddenly grey. What was once fun and challenging feel stupid and annoying. Or perhaps the things that used to motivate or move you don’t resonate at all. You feel nothing for them. It all just seems like so much more crap to deal with. If this sounds familiar, or you fear that this day is in your future, this essay is for you.

How to know when you’re burned out

The first thing to realize is that everyone’s creative energies come from different places. The reasons you might feel stuck or empty will be different from your friends and co-workers. So don’t be surprised that while you’re feeling low, others around you aren’t. Creative work, no matter how it’s defined, is personal stuff, and comes from your unique combination of qualities and feelings that make you, you. So just because you’re not running through the halls screaming about how much you love your job, while the rest of the people on your floor are dancing in the halls, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You’re you: they’re not. You should not want to be them, and they should not want to be you (What a boring world we’d have if we were all simultaneously trying to be someone else. Oh wait…). To be yourself you have to sometimes deal with feelings that only you are feeling. Burnout means you’ve pushed your creative energy beyond the point of recovery. Like a well of water, creative energy replenishes itself slowly over time. A person who has pushed their creative well too hard for too long will, like its watery counterpart, one day find it empty. They’ve pushed too far. Usually by the time you notice something is seriously wrong, there’s very little left to work with. Burnout then is something, once experienced, a wise person learns how to avoid and manage (which we’ll talk about later). But right now, lets cover some of the common signs that you’ve become toasty:
  • You dread getting up in the morning (unless this is not unusual for you)
  • You don’t care anymore about something you were passionate about
  • You saw the title of this essay and felt a ray of hope
  • Inspired motivated creative people annoy you
  • Everything seems gray and pointless
  • You’re drinking more or eating more, or showing whatever your signs of depression are
  • You find it hard to relax
  • It seems impossible to do basic work you know you’re capable of
But be warned: before you chalk it up to creative burnout, be aware that there are some other problems that can easily be confused with it. How is the morale in your workplace? Are people generally ok and happy, or is the vibe downbeat or postal? There may be other issues going that are having a negative emotional impact on you. It might not be creative burnout, as much as some other unhealthy workplace or work relationship issue. Most probably, there are several issues you’re dealing with at the same time, including issues at home or with family, that are contributing to how you’re feeling. Sorting it out can take time, and it’s rarely helpful to blame everything going on in your life on one or two specific events, people, or environments.

Survival tactics

In then end, I’ve found that talking with other people won’t dramatically change the way you feel. It’s important to talk and express things, since expressing feelings is the only way to work through them, but in the end, change only comes from within. Change is slow, tricky and unpredictable, but everyone has certain triggers or experiences that help them shake things up more than others. Since everyone’s different, the approaches for how to work through it often have to be discovered by you. Here’s some of the things that I know have worked for me, and other designers and engineers I’ve worked with, but I recommend serious experimentation on your own:
  • Plan an escape. Take a day off and do the most dramatically easy but fun thing you can think of. Go see a matinee downtown, have a fantastic lunch, shop, browse, and walk. Be as indulgent as you can stand, and drag as many of your friends along with you. (Offer to return the favor with them when they’re burnt out.). Use a vacation day, or a sick day (Isn’t burnout a form of poor mental health?)
  • Laugh. Whatever it is you find funny, bring more of it into your life. Whether it’s certain people, films, tv shows, plays, books. Choose to laugh.
  • Scream. I’m a believer in primal screams. I always feel better after I’ve yelled at the top of my lungs for no particular reason, doubly so if I’m pissed off about something. Practice different screams, such as yelling ordinary words (“Papaya!!!”) vs. generic scream sounds (“Aaaaaaaagggh!”). Get friends and co-workers to participate if you can. Even if alone, and you have to do it into a pillow or underwater to not upset the neighbors, do it anyway. You’ll feel better, I promise.
  • Fun time: how much time per day do you do stuff purely for fun? Just because you like it and for no other reason? Why isn’t this number larger? What is more important than fun and happiness over the course of a lifetime?
  • Sleep & Exercise. Unfortunately, our minds are connected to our bodies, and if we treat our bodies poorly, well, our minds kind of get pissed off. I’ve found that if I’m not getting enough exercise, I’m about half as useful to the world than otherwise. Start taking a walk every day. Go swimming. Have more/better sex. Free up your body, and your mind will follow.
  • Travel: Get in the car, pick a direction, and drive. Grab friends, or not. Bring food, or not. Play music really loud, or just roll down the windows, and stick your head out (pssst.. this is a good time to scream). Use some vacation time, or ask for time without pay so you can stretch out your time (and your time may be more valuable than your money).

Beginning again

After you’ve made some effort to escape, and let the well fill up again, it’s time to get back to work. Sometimes the toasty feeling remains, even though you’ve filled up your credit cards, have seen every new film, and are exercising and laughing daily. Even with the most understanding boss or teammates, most people can’t afford to escape for very long. The work and the deadlines may have slipped back, but the work is still there. Here’s some advice for how to start again, and reconnect with the work at hand.
  • Break things into smaller pieces. If you can’t design the whole website, or code the whole function, break it down. What are the smallest meaningful pieces to work with? Work on a page. Can’t do a page? Work on part of a page. Get down the smallest bit you feel you can manage, but do it. Like Guthrie said, take it easy, but take it. After you do one piece, find the strength to do the next one. If you can’t, go for a walk, call a friend, but then come back and try again. And on and on. One small piece at a time. If you’re lucky, once you’ve got a few pieces done, you’ll hit your stride and it won’t seem so bad. If not, just slug it out. At least you’ll be able to say tommorow you did something today.
  • Look at the worst pieces of work you know of. The worst writing. The worst painting. The worst web design. Worst whatever. Do you feel anything when you look at the crap? Does it annoy you? Make you angry? Is there still a response there at all? Some energy somewhere in your gut? Can you redirect it?
  • Repeat above, only with the best piece of work you know. Go to a museum, or your favorite building. Watch your favorite film, read your favorite book. Do you get any energy there? Anything you can bring with you into your own project?

Avoiding burn-out

After you’ve gone through it once, you might fall victim to the arrogance of invulnerability. The false idea that since you’ve been burnt to a crisp once and survived, you can do it again. Don’t be stupid. It’s pure denial you’re feeling, not confidence. As long as you take on tough assignments and push yourself creatively you run the risk of going to far, and to live up to your potential as a creative person, you have to find ways to push yourself without pushing too far.
  • Change your work environment: What do you do at work when you feel stuck (not burnt out, but just stuck on a problem)? Are there things you can do to your cube or office to help you deal with those times? Posters of work that inspires you? Things that make you laugh? Music that helps you think through a problem? You spend 8 hours a day in that space: it’s worth taking a couple of hours to improve it by even 5 or 10%. If you suck at this and don’t know where to start (e.g. you’re male), ask a friend to help you out.
  • Project assignments: How do you decide what project assignments to take? How can you find more variety in your work, so that there’s a chance you’ll develop new interests, or new skills? Real growth is the best burnout prevention technique. It’s easier to stay interested if the work and the people stay interesting.
  • Work on more than one project at a time. My wife, an artist, never works on one painting at a time. When she feels stuck on one, she’ll move over to another and it always seems fresh and interesting, compared to the work she just left. I find the same thing with writing and designing. Find ways to give yourself alternatives, so that you can still be productive, while having the choice to temporarily skip a problem you are annoyed by or frustrated with.
  • Managers and work relationships. Do you like the people you work with? I don’t know how long I could be creative if I fundamentally didn’t like or get along with my boss, or most of my co-workers. The real problem might not be creative at all. It might be the unhealthy nature of your work relationships. Time spent improving relationship skills creates the potential for change, while banging your head against the wall every day and complaining to friends probably doesn’t.
  • Career & Lifestyle: How long have you been doing what you’re doing? Do you expect to do it forever? Perhaps you need bigger changes in your life that you’re getting. A new friend, a new lover, a new city, a new company, a new hobby, might be the only way to move your life forward.

Know Thyself

However you choose to deal with your situation, pay attention to yourself. What works and doesn’t work for you? When did you feel most inspired in your life? Least? What things in your life seem to influence your morale and motivation? No one can answer these questions but you. It’s often harder to figure out and listen to what your own needs are than to take advice from others. The sooner you sit down and allow your own truth to come out, the better off you’ll be.

p/s:btw, i've deleted a part of the article..the original can be seen here
and another article that is interesting:

till then :)

Friday, April 20, 2012

Mati yang Pasti

bismillah :)

it is a simple word yet many people are afraid of it.
sedar tak sedar, umat sekarang ramai yang ditimpa penyakit wahn which is takut mati & cintakan dunia (moga kita dijauhkan la..tsk)

Ummi once said: "ummi bukan takut mati tu, tapi nnt ddk dlm kubur tu sorg2..teman kita amalan kita je".
It is true indeed..sangattt..It is ouch kat hati bila dengar (angah tau ummi baca blog angah..perasan..haha)

Kita selalu je tangguh buat ibadah & benda baik lain
Padahal Allah dah pesan dah "bersegeralah kamu ke arah kebaikan"
sebab syaitan tu selalu je nak lengahkan kita
And kita ni macam yakin sangat lagi satu saat yg kita tangguh tu kita hidup lagi
Tapi still kita nakkkkk jugak utamakan benda lain tu
manusia sangat~

So, anda yang baca ni..amal dah cukup untuk mati yg bila2 akan datang?
The fact is berapa banyak pun amal kita buat, it is impossible untuk membolehkan kita masuk syurga. Nak masuk syurga kena bergantung kepada Allah's mercy.
Jadi, selama kita hidup..apa yang kita dah buat utk dapatkan rahmat dr Allah tu?
Kalau kita rasa dgn buat solat 5 waktu yang kadang2 lompong, puasa ramadahan yg tak cukup sebulan, baca yassin sbb culture, tutup aurat yang kadang2 tak berapa nak tutup dan lain2 amalan utk diri kita dah is NOT ENOUGH!
kita baru tunaikan tanggungjawab sebagai hamba Allah..tapi tanggungjawab sebagai khalifah kita buat tak?
Kita selalu lupa Allah ciptakan kita ada dua sebab; untuk beribadah and untuk jadi khalifah kt muka bumi.

Nak jadi hamba Allah yang baik memang kita kena usaha sendiri. Tapi nak jadi khalifah Allah tu, nak meriahkan bumi Allah ni dengan Islam. Tapi penat la kalau nak buat sorang2. Sebab tu Allah suruh kita berkenalan, ta'aruf, have a good family, be with good people, bekerja sungguh2 untuk tegakkan Islam atas muka bumi. Sebab, benda2 tu yang akan bantu kita fulfill tugas kita as khalifah. Jadi jom pegi usrah >.< Sekurang-kurangnya, bila kena hisab, kalau Allah tanya masa muda, masa free kita apa yang kita buat? tak la terkedu sangat. Takkan la masa tu nak cakap "err..tengok movie?", "tengok oppa?", "tidur?(ouch)"..peh..malu gila nak cakap kat Allah macam tu..kannn?

let's sit and think a while..jangan nak jadi manusia yang sombong..Takkan dengan Allah pun kita nak sombong..over la tuu..

Tentang Hati


Went to a ta’lim entitle tentang hati
Tak tahu pun tajuk dia itu. I went sbb itu one of program dalam taqwim.
Kadang2 rasa banyak program pergi sbb rasa ada tanggungjawab untuk berada di situ (patut ke ah perasaan ni?) bukan lah tak ikhlas, nope! Sebab setiap kali pergi tak pernah tidak, mesti akan gain something. Somehow, I am grateful for having the opportunity utk memimpin (mungkin ini hikmah yg Allah nak bagi kot? Terima kasih Allah sebab syg saya^^)

The talk was given by ust Alwi Al-Attas from Indonesia (Qish kenal la kot kan? Bajet Qish bace..haha)
Ustaz tu mention the famous hadith “dalam badan manusia ada segumpal daging, kalau baik maka baik lah seluruh badan, kalau jahat..jahat la seluruh anggota, segumpal daging  tu hati”

Sedar tak sedar, setiap kali kita buat dosa, satu titik hitam akan terpalit pada hati kita (sedar tak weh?). Bila dah banyaaaakkk sangat titik hitam, hati tu dah tak dapat nak terima hidayah Allah. At the same time, benda2 jahat pun dah terkumpul dalam hati & tak boleh keluar. At that moment, hati manusia akan jadi lebih keras dari batu. Kenapa batu? Batu paling mahal which is diamond pun boleh dipotong guna diamond tapi hati manusia boleh jadi lebih keras dari batu. Can you imagine how hard it can become??!

And manusia ni sangat concern bila physical dia sakit. Tak caya? Cuba kita ingat, bila demam, selema, pening apa kita buat? Kita buat tak tau ke? Mesti nak pergi jumpa doktor, nak beli panadol actifast, nak rest bagi sakit tu hilang. Kesimpulannya kita MESTI cari cara cure. Tapi, bila hati sakit? Apa kita buat? In fact, kita sedar tak hati kita sakit?(ouch). Kadang2 tu kita makin tambah kesakitan hati kita adalah..tapiii, kita sedar tak kita buat hati kita lagi sakit?

Bila kita liat nak buat ibadah kepada Allah. Bila kita suka nak buat dosa. Those are the indicator that our heart is sick. Anda rasa hati anda sakit tak sekarang? T_T Bila dapat peringatan, hati kita tersentuh. Hati anda sihat maksudnya. Kalau tak pun, maksudnya masih ada ruang utk hidayah Allah tu masuk. Jadi sebelum hati penuh bintik hitam bersihkan la ok!

Allah tu sayang sangatt dkt hamba dia, tapi kita? Berapa kali kita ingat Allah? Kalau kita sibuk sayang makhluk Allah, bila masa kita spent masa utk sayang Allah? Padahal, cinta Allah tu yg kita kena kejar dulu before cinta makhluk T_T (tertampar sangat nih). Jadinya, tak payah sibuk kejar cinta makhluk kalau cinta Allah pun kita tak terkejar. Ke korang tak kesah? ha ha ha..loser gila kalau tak kisah..been there, done that. Rugi besar la kalau korang tak rasa concern utk kejar cinta Allah.

Bila dah 23 (ye, dah sedikit berumur), kawan2 selalu cakap pasal kawen. Ada yang risau sebab tak da someone special. Ada yg boast sbb dah ada. Tapi benda tu, Allah dah tetapkan. Walaupun org kata, tak usaha macam mana nk dapat. Tapi, usaha yg Allah maksudkan bukannya kena usha, pilih, berkepit. Tak! Tapi Allah suruh kita usaha jadi baik. Baiki diri. Allah dah tentukan. Allah akan bagi bila Allah tahu kita dah sedia nak pikul tanggungjawab tu. Semua orang nak dapat jodoh yang baik. Tapi, apa usaha kita sendiri untuk dapat jodoh baik tu? Ada kita usaha nak jadi baik?

Ok. Let’s imagine, bila kita dekat padang mahsyar. Bila kita jumpa dengan Allah. Kalau Allah mintak kita tunjuk hati kita, kita nak ke tunjuk hati yg penuh bintik hitam?T_T tu dekat padang mahsyar. Bayangkan la kalau semua orang boleh nampak hati kita skrg. Agak2 ada tak org nak kawan dgn kita?(dush)  Kalau hati tu kita analogikan macam baju kita, bila jumpa raja ke sultan ke..kita nak ke pakai baju banyak taik lalat? Pastu dengan Tuan kepada raja n sultan tu, kita nak ke pakai baju banyak taik lalat??

*serius makan dalam.. “Ya Allah..tolong dengan sangat bagi aku kuat hati and dekat dengan Kau”*

Monday, April 9, 2012

Refleksi Diri


Pernah tak kita rasa kita ni ego?
I am indeed sgt ego ^__^
And bila ego ni kita sang-gat susah nk say sorry
Tapi xde la kalau dah terlanggar org time jln buat xtahu je..i’m not ego to that extent
But then bila kita rasa org tu terasa dgn kita and kita yg cari pasal mmg sangaaatt susah nk ckp mintak maaf
Somehow rasa cm segan dah nk tegur org tu..padahal kita cr pasal kan

Betul la bila Blues ckp sorry seems to be the hardest word..5alphabets with 2 sgt susah nk ckp
Tapi tu ego dgn sesama manusia..mcm mana pulak kalau dgn Allah pn kita nk ego?
Sangat tak bersyukur..kita bukan siapa2 pun nak bajet bagus sangat kan..

And sgt ouch bila tadi someone ckp: “bila duduk antara dua sujud, rasa mcm ‘kecik je aku ni’..dah dekat sgt dgn tanah..selama ni rasa mcm besar sgt..” manusia sangat lah selalu tak perasan benda2 kecik macam ni..and kita sgt la tak layak nk rasa diri hebat sbb manusia sangat la lemah

Bila down je mula la nk cari org utk luahkan, cari hiburan tapi sepatutnya kita kena cari Allah..sbb down tu Allah yg bagi..jadi Allah ada prescription utk cure rasa tu..and kalau kita cari manusia lain, org tu pn manusia mcm kita..and indeed kita x tahu pun org tu tough sgt ke sampai kita nk bergantung kt dia..

Bila duduk dalam usrah tadi tiba teringat a video that I watched..setiap org yg kita jumpa dalam hidup kita, Tuhan bg untuk teach kita something.Kadang2 kita take for granted dgn org sekeliling kita sbb manusia ni sangat pentingkan diri sendiri. And I once felt ‘asal la aku jumpa dia ni..kan bagus kalau x jumpa’. But, somehow bila fikir balik, kalau ak x jumpa I’ll not be who I am today. And I am grateful for that.

So, kita tak yah nak bajet bagus or hebat sangat because whenever Allah nk tarik nikmat yg membuatkan kita rasa bagus tu, Allah boleh je tarik. Dan bila kita hadapi that moment, kita mesti akan rasa kita loser gila. And sangat tertarik dgn kata2 kawan usrah sy yg cool: “buang la ego tu sebelum Allah uji kita”...And walaupun kadang2 kita rasa regret for meeting a person or persons, tapi di sebalik benda yg berlaku tu ada pengajaran yang Allah suruh kita ambil sebab manusia ni bila benda tu jadi depan mata die lebih mudah nak terima..anak usrah pena ckp: “kalau manusia ni dia nampak hikmah sesuatu perkara tu berlaku, mesti tak da org yg akan mengeluh”.

*Just having a great time with Kia Kaha after 2 weeks not having usrah.  Everything went upside down bila xde usrah since bila xdpt balik rumah, usrah will be my place utk recharge energy..campak penyakit M ke tepi semua. Thanks Allah for giving me the opportunity to be in usrah, to taste the sweetness of ukhuwwah and to be able to do something for ur deen instead of jd pemerhati and duduk kt tepi jalan dakwah yg sumpah panjang ni :)